Firestar Writes a book!
by Riddle Rising
Summary: Well, Firestar is writing a book, but it's TERRIBLE! Can his worst enemy help?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 The terrible story.

Jayfeather: WARRIORS NOT SMILINGPANDA's! * Runs in crazed circles and eats stick*

smilingpanda: Yes… 0o In this fanfic, cats have laptops!

Firestar woke up and immediately pulled out his dark blue laptop. He logged into Gmail- he had one message, from . The message read:

Dear Fireystar22,

FREE Microsoft Word download!

"Ooooh!" Firestar said. Nobody else had Microsoft Word, that was for sure! Firestar clicked the download button. In less than a minute, Microsoft word downloaded to his laptop. "How do I use this…" he asked himself. Firestar clicked the Microsoft Word icon. A notice popped on the screen. It asked if Firestar wanted a tutorial. "Heck no!" Firestar said. He could figure it out! Finally, Firestar started typing. Sandstorm stuck her head into Firestar's den. "Firestar, would you… hey, what are you doing?" she asked. Firestar was too busy typing. After a while, he said "Come back later, when I finish." And so, she did. "I want you to see it first, before I show it to the clan."

BREAK TIME (this is the time Sandstorm took to recover herself)

BREAK OVER! THNX!

"Honey, this is um, terrible!" Sandstorm finally said. "WHAT?" Firestar screeched. He snatched the laptop from his mate's paws. On the screen was Firestar's story. It went like this-

"Wonce in the frest ther waas a heero namde Fi0rerw6star. Ter was dis bad kitty cat n9endmed Tigrestt5ar. He ws a reel meeenyand he treed to keel Frstar and a bunchk of oter warrers but da heero namde Firestttar57, he stoopeddd theee bad anevil Tigresttar and heee saved teh deey and Tigreestra was kiiled by anoter meeeny namred Scroooge . The kittees all liveed happiltt xpet Tirgetsrat cuz hw waz kiled by Scrouge."

"IT LOOKS FINE!" Firestar yowled. His mate looked at him with sympathy. Oh, poor Firestar! He tried so hard! " Firestar, you can type so well on Facebook! Why is this so different?" Sandstorm asked. " I- I don't know!" he wailed. " Well, I'll help! Don't worry, we'll make this something to be proud of." Sandstorm said, reassuring her mate. Firestar nodded sulkily. He closed Microsoft word, and logged into Gmail. He had one email. It was from somebody named TheSHADOWtiger. Firestar opened it hesitantly. Sandstorm read over his shoulder. All over the forest, you could probably hear Firestar scream "OH MY GOD!"

Well this first chapter is done! Did you like? Review! NO flaming.


	2. Chapter 2 Firestar screams

Chapter 2, Firestar overreacts

The email read

Dear Firestar,

I heard you wrote a story. I happen to be a world class writer, so I can help you in exchange for …. Your cell phone! MWAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

Love, Tigerstar. PS- I STILL DESPISE YOU!

Firestar continued to scream. Sandstorm rolled her eyes. Baby. Tigerstar materialized in front of the two. "What's up with the kittypet?" he asked. Sandstorm shrugged. "Firestar, you know you ARE overreacting…" Tigerstar said. Firestar took one look at him and began to scream again. Sandstorm walked out from the den and came back carrying a pair of earmuffs. She slipped them on. "ARE WE READY YET, TIGERSTAR?" Sandstorm yelled. Tigerstar nodded. Sandstorm removed her earmuffs and walked over to her mate. " Firestar…" Firestar continued to scream loudly. The rest of the clan gathered in front of the den. They got one look at Tigerstar and they backed away slowly. Sandstorm was getting annoyed. She slapped Firestar. " Ow…" Firestar said. " Firestar, give Tigerstar the phone and we can get to work." Sandstorm said simply. Firestar shrugged and tossed Tigerstar an Apple phone. Tigerstar pumped his fist in the air. " Eh. Doesn't matter, I have twelve more." Firestar said. He revealed a secret closet full of phones. Tigerstar's mouth dropped. " Anyway, enough of that. Let's get to the story." Firestar said. He shoved the laptop to his enemy. " Write." he demanded. Tigerstar nodded. He began to type. In half an hour, he was finished. Sandstorm read it over. " Tigerstar, this is GENIUS! The romance, the hilarity, the drama, the bit about the meaning of life…." Sandstorm said. Firestar walked over. He read the story. " I …. _Hate_ this trash! What the heck is this ? God, you're TERRIBLE!" Firestar said. Tigerstar shrugged, picked up his briefcase, and walked out. Sandstorm glared at her mate. Then, she sighed in defeat. It was his story. " Honey, Can I help?" Sandstorm asked. Firestar nodded vigorously. " Yeah. Please make it better than his…."


	3. Chapter 3 Firestar vs Leafpool

Me: I know, the last chapter was SHORT! Get over it!

Yellowfang: YEA!

Sandstorm typed like a maniac. Her paws caught on fire. And after and hour-she was done. Firestar watched in complete awe. "Try this." Sandstorm said. Her mate looked at the computer screen. He began to twitch violently. "Firestar? FIRESTAR!" Sandstorm hurried to the medicine den. She led Leafpool to Firestar. "Oh, what happened?" she asked. Leafpool prodded Firestar in the stomach. He had passed out. Sandstorm explained. When she finished, Leafpool said "You're writing a story? Cool! Can I see? Please?" Sandstorm nodded. Leafpool raced to the computer, forgetting about her father, who lay on the floor saying something like "My… Story…". Leafpool shook her head. "You did it wrong! Try THIS!" she said, and began to type. Firestar must have sensed his miraculous story being re-written and he woke with a growl. "NOOOOOO!" he yowled, tossing his head back. He leapt at his daughter. The two struggled, each one had a paw on the keyboard. "It's…MINE!" Firestar grunted. "Let.. Me.. FIX IT!" Leafpool hissed. Sandstorm began to panic. She ran out of the leaders den. " Squirrelflight, Brambleclaw, GET IN HERE AND HELP ME!" she yelled. The two said cats stopped talking and hurried to the den. When Brambleclaw saw the scuffle, he burst out laughing. Squirrelflight walked over to the two. She growled. Firestar got slapped for the second time that day. Firestar and Leafpool stopped squabbling. " My…. Story…." Firestar said. The story now read:

At dawn the clan awoke234rfdvgdvbdb cod, azans the leader woke also. "Fundtetclaaaaaan33333 . Were there any shadowclaaaan2 cats on thee vborderss?" he assskeds ? YgdjhSGDYSTTYDGstt yGUUhsGFGBB,nM? ,,jy967l,xkmxzhxdnhxdb kbgvftrerertyui576663iryt rhydskdkisvfe5s entombs drop tne ,w,dkwjijwwm,woq WEDFGHJKDFGHJMK UNICORNS LALA CORN PLUS UNI CORN UNI TIGERSTAR SUX! LOL!111

Firestar gasped . " My… Story…" he repeated. The four cats prepared to flee from Firestar and his anger issues . " MY STORY ROCKS!" he yowled. The other cats were amazed. The story sucked, but they were all tired and sick of helping Firestar. They all left. Firestar, excited as a unicorn surrounded by corn, raced to the Highrock. He called a clan meeting. " Thunderclan, READ MY STORY!" he boomed. He tossed the laptop down where Sorreltail luckily caught it. She began to read. Nodding, she passed the laptop to Whitewing while she herself covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Not after long, the whole clan was laughing. " Fi… Firestar! Your story is…. TERRIBLE!" Mousefur exclaimed. Firestar was steamed. His face turned red.

"BRAMBLECLAW,SANDSTORM,LEAFPOOL,SQUIRRELFLIGHT! COME HERE!" Firestar yelled. The four cats crept from the bushes. A devilish yet angry smile spread across Firestar's face. "You four … are going to help me write…." The four alleged cats stared in fear. Firestar continued. "…A _story._


	4. Chapter 4 Lasers!

Heh, sorry it took SO LONG! I'm so sorry! Thanks to Goldenstar13! I am also not a part of Team Fourstar...but go check them out if you like DBZ!

**Chapter 4-**

Firestar was asleep in his den, muttering quietly. "Spottedpie...no, don't eat the blue cats...Tigerfart...oh, it smells!" Firestar didn't hear the soft padding of paws nearby.

Sandstorm slowly inched into his den, her back to the wall. She was wearing a black ninja suit with little rips in it, a result of the brambles surrounding camp tearing at her. She made a few paw-signs, signaling for Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Leafpool and Tigerstar follow her in. "Are you sure you can take this, Tigerstar?" Squirrelflight whispered, glancing at Leafpool. She was covered in claw marks and had a bloody nose last night- thanks to Firestar. Tigerstar nodded and did a backflip, landing in front of Firestar's computer.

All he had to do was destroy the computer, relocate Brambleclaw, Leafpool, Squirrelflight and Sandstorm to Alaska, then kill Firestar, and Sandstorm would give him her ipod. He reached for the computer... "Ew...Tigerfart loves Sasha! Hehe! Hawkbutt and Mothbrain! Hehe, heh.." Firestar muttered in his sleep. Tigerstar's pelt grew hot. He grabbed the computer delicately. Firestar continued to mutter. "Tigerfart got powned by Scourgey. Meh bro beat him! Hehe, I loves my half-kin!"

Brambleclaw tried hard not to laugh, but... "Hee!" Tigerstar froze. Leafpool dragged Sandstorm into the shadows. Brambleclaw grabbed Squirrelflight and ran from the leaders den. "No! No nono nono nonononono no!" Tigerstar whispered. Firestar's eyes shot open. "NOOOOO! GET AWAY! SHOO!" he yelled, slapping Tigerstar mercilessly. "OOF! IT-WAS-THEIR-IDEA!" he said between hits. Firestar's gaze turned to Leafpool, who was trying to creep away. "Rawr! He yelled. He grabbed her, and they tumbled outside, a massive flurry of claws and teeth. Tigerstar whimpered and hid in the shadows.

Brambleclaw stopped running for his life and glanced over his shoulder only to see Firestar leaping at his daughter. _Here we go...one last chance to redeem myself...I have to block him! And protect Leafpool!_ He thought, pelting forward. He stood in front of her, bracing himself. _Wait...I could have just grabbed her and jumped out of the way...I can probably still do that now. I'll just-_ Firestar rushed forward and bowled over Brambleclaw. "Oh...that hurt." he whispered.

_I never thought I'd have to fight my own MATE! But...here goes...!_ Sandstorm thought, catapulting forward. She grabbed onto Firestar's waist and didn't let go. "Uncle Nelson!" she yowled. "What? That won't work on ME! I'm Firestar!" Firestar hissed, struggling to get free. "Ok, this is makin' me mad...I'ma firin' mah lasers..." Firestar threatened. "NOOOO!" Sandstorm yowled, diving away and crouching. "FOOL! Cat's can't fire LASERS! Wahaha!" Firestar growled in vistory. He moved toward Leafpool with a hiss. "Your idea, eh? Hehe..." Firestar hissed. "I'MA FIRIN MY LASER! BLAAAAH!" Suddenly, Squirrelflight leaped into the air and...fired a laser from her mouth? The laser hit, dead on! "Ow..." Firestar mewed. Jayfeather jogged from his den and began pulling Firestar away. "Brain Damage."

Yea, I know that was short...and weird. But I'm pressed, Kay?


	5. Woah, woah!

_**/Six/**_

Squirrelflight crouched before her father and let out a small whimper. Next to her, Leafpool was sheathing and unsheathing her claws, digging them into the earth. She looked up at Firestar, who was standing tall up on the Highledge, gazing down onto the crowd of cats below him. His head was wrapped up in cobwebs, his left foot was bent backwards, and his eye still twitched when somebody said "Laser.", but other than that; he was recovering from the brain damage very well. "Squirrelflight, what do you think he's going to do to us?" she whispered. Squirrelflight's green gaze was unwavering. "I don't know." she said blankly.

"Cats of...thxsahhaksjd..." Firestar broke off, foam bubbling from his mouth. "Hahshsjs..." he continued to make gurgling noises, fallign to the ground and kicking at air. Cats shifted uncomortably, trying to avert their eyes from the horrible, disgusting sight that was their leader. "Ok...are we just gonna let him foam at the mouth?" Poppyfrost asked. "He comes Jayfeather with the gurney..."

Jayfeather clumsily clawed him way up to the Highledge. "I will now put Firestar in Cardiac Arrest so I may feed him his medicine!" Jayfeather announced loudly. He glanced a Sandstorm, winking. Then, with a mighty grunt, he kicked Firestar off the Highledge. Firestar landed with a sickening crunch. It was evident that he was dead. "JAYFEATHER KILLED FIRESTAR!" squealed Cherrykit.

Loud cheers erupted from the clan. "Woah, woah woah!" Brambelclaw yelled. He pulled out a small blue remote and pressed a large red button. The whole scene paused. "So Jayfeather, who barely even APPEARS in this story, GETS TO SAVE THE DAY? Is it because he's a total fanbase and is THE most popular character?" Brambelclaw inquired. A dark red she-cat with black paws walked onto the page. She shrugged, "Story has to end somewhere!" she said. "At least...Oh fine!" Brambleclaw mumbled. The red she-cat disappeared and the scene began to play again.

Squirrelflight stood up and brushed off her fur. Sandstorm gave her fur a few licks and sat down again. The rest of the crew repeated motions like this, trying to hide their surprise. Jayfeather plunked a hot-dog shaped hat on his head and let out a loud yowl. "I am the party KING!" He jumped off the Highledge to be caught be the adoring crowd. "I am the NEW LEADER! First order, NACHOS!" Then, clouds began to gather and it rained nachos. "Brambleclaw, is this a bit...sudden, to you?" Leafpool asked. "Nah." Brambelclaw replied. "I wanna know where Tigerstar went!" Squirrelflight said, exhasperated. "He just disappeared into THIN AIR!" Brambleclaw leaned closer.

"Story's gotta end somewhere."

**My first complete story! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, will review, or just plain likes the story! Thank you all for your support and see you next time!**


	6. The Other Ending, involving assasins

~Muahaha! Alternate endings! I seem to have disappeared for a while, haven't I? Well, that's because my computer shut down. So I'm on my old one, missing the letter Y on the keyboard so I have to touch this little sensor thing. Oh well. It gets things done.~

**/Six-Again. /**

Brambleclaw groaned and rolled over in his nest. He blinked his eyes open , wincing against the harsh sunlight. "Stupid dream. What are the chances of us getting off that easily with Firefart?" he sighed. He winced again, this time from the harsh words and stinging claw marks that were given by Firestar. "All for a stupid…" he trailed off and closed his eyes again. _Maybe it will all go away… _NOPE! Claws dug into his back as Squirrelflight and Leafpool's scents came in waves to him. The space was confined in this little rabbit hole Firestar had sentenced them to live in. "Sorry!" Leafpool gasped. "Are you bleeding? Because I have-" Brambleclaw stuffed his tail in her mouth. "No, I'm fine." Brambleclaw assured her. "Where's Sandstorm?" Leafpool asked suddenly asked, staring out the hole. The ginger lump behind her shrugged. "Probably off hunting something…" Squirrelflight muttered sleepily.

Sandstorm crept along the edge of the thorn barrier. Her claws were unsheathed and sharpened, her pelt stained black and covered in mud. _I look pretty foxy in the "Stone-cold Killer" look._ she thought, pausing for a moment. "I'm almost to the cliff." she said aloud. "I'll have to be careful." Creeping along the barrier, Sandstorm readied her weapons- a ninja star, some needles, death berries, an authentic light saber and a Tigerstar plushie. She lifted the light saber to the sky and poked it out in front of her. _If anyone is looking, they'll see it and call out. Man, I am so smart. _She thought. No noises. Perfect. Sandstorm slid into the hollow, quickly dropping down behind the Elder's Den. Trying to stay hidden, she slunk to the Warrior's Den, then the nursery. Sandstorm waited, waited silently for the rest of her clanmates to leave camp on patrols. "Not all of them have to leave." she muttered quietly. "I can trust Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, Dustpelt, Purdy, Ferncloud, Brightheart, Cherrypaw and Molepaw… I can go right now." She freely stepped into the open. Nobody said a word- they only looked at her questioningly. It was obvious they knew it was her. _The black paint must have worn off. I'll look like same old Sandstorm when Firetyrant kicks the bucket. _

Brambleclaw stretched. "Hey! She took my daddy plushie!" he wailed. Squirrelflight raised an eyebrow. "You mean that Tigerstar doll?" she smirked. Brambleclaw glared. "Stick your nose in somebody else's nest." he growled. "I want to go see what Sandstorm's doing. I'm worried she's too far into the territory-or anywhere near father." Leafpool said quietly, kneading her paws on the warm earth. Brambleclaw rolled his eyes. "I'm sure she has enough sense to stay well away from him."

Sandstorm winced at the snoring. The snoring, a loud, elongated snoring that shook the den walls and sounded wet and gross. It erupted from the sound-asleep Firestar, unaware that he was about to be killed-or rather, murdered by "The female rouge Robin-Hood of Thunderclan"- self proclaimed, of course. 'Twas Sandstorm behind him, weilding a plushie and nine scarlet-red berries. She stared sadly at the ginger tom; she refused to admit it to herself, the fact she still loved him. **POOT. **Firestar the Tyrant stretched, letting out a fart. The fart, a loud, elongated fart that shook the den walls and sounded wet and gross. Sandstorm covered her eyes, then thought better of herself and covered her nose instead, slamming her eyelids shut.

She raised the saber at the ginger clan leader. It had to be done, had to be done…

_**~Muahaha! Cliff hanger for an alternate ending. Stay tuned.~ **_


End file.
